My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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