Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
