lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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