awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
