you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
