I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
