i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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