So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
