apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
