the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
