My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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