He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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