Your tits are I can't wait for
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
