the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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