Apparently you make a good broom.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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