Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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