standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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