yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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