Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
