There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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