I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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