Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
