I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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