He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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