how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
