Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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