bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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