She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
