I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
