I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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