I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
