If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
