I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
