I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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