my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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