After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
