can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
