That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
