there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
