the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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