Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
