My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
