Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
