dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
