At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
