Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
