I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
