she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
