tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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