dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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