i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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