somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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