If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i came on her dog
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
